Ranking The Star Wars Droids

Original concept art for C3-PO and R2-D2 by Ralph McQuarrie based on Lucas' original screenplay.

I feel like I should start off this list with a bit of a disclaimer: there is no way I could ever begin to know every single droid in the Star Wars universe.

With the 6 currently released films, novels, video games, and cartoon series combined, there are dozens upon dozens of letter and number combinations to memorize which, frankly, I don’t have time for.

But I will admit, the droids, along with the consistently futuristic Stormtroopers, are my favorite thing about Star Wars.

I think we all want to experience a world where robots think independently and live among us, but right now Star Wars is the closest thing.

I should also state that I am not including General Grievous on this list because he is part human (although he would rank pretty high).

13. IT-O Interrogator

Considering the function of this droid is torture, I’m a little let down with the fact that we only get a glimpse of it in A New Hope when it threatens Leia with a needle as the Empire is seeking the location of the Rebels. I wonder what other war crimes are built into that thing…

12. OG-9 Homing Spider Droid

Not sure why this is called a spider droid and not a crab droid considering it has 4 legs and not 8. And the fact that it’s called “OG” is a bit of cringe, like it’s subliminally supposed to mean that it’s the “ultimate MACK DADDY” of all droids. That’s prequel-era Lucas writing for you. Yikes.

11. WED Treadwell Droid

I’m fairly confident that this is just the prop guy’s old broken umbrella that he hot glued to the base of a vacuum.

10. Battle Droid – Army Droid

I really have a soft spot for good production design, concept design, and innovative ways to do robots in films. It’s one of the biggest things that Ralph McQuarrie brought us in the early days. And I feel like the design alone on the Battle Droids in the prequels is great. But it’s complete lack of impact on any events in the story, despite there being literally hundreds of them, is extremely frustrating. It’s as if we know if there is a Battle Droid on screen, no one will die. Thanks for the heads up, George!

9. Gonk Droid – Power Droid

This one is just for me. It’s probably the most useless droid in the film series given the fact that we only get a few glimpses of Gonk (GNK) on Tattooine in Episode IV and in Jabba's palace in 'Jedi'. That 70s era trash can with legs makes me chuckle almost every time. It is just so ridiculous, but I love it.

8. 2-1B – Medical Droid

The design for the surgeon droid in the Empire Strikes back is one of the best in all of Star Wars, and if it wasn’t for 2-1B, Luke wouldn’t have a new hand…or have someone watching him while he’s in a giant tube getting sewn up…or creepily stare at him and Leia when they meet after the Wampa attack. OK now that I’m saying it out loud this droid is way more terrifying than I remember. Can we get a spinoff slasher flick?

7. MSE-6 – Repair Droid

This is another one that is a personal favorite that might not be on other peoples “top” lists. Giving this droid any screen time at all is so random but oddly memorable as we only see it briefly on the Death Star flying by as the disguised Rebels prowl the halls. Also known as the Mouse droid, this little guy reminds me of a mini Jawa Sandcrawler. Do they sell a remote control one? Asking for a friend.

6. Probe Droid / Imperial Probe

I still hear that probe droid sound in my sleep. It’s like a mixture of a 56k modem and a Daft Punk vocoder . The probe droid is one of the first things we see in The Empire Strikes Back, and sets a mysterious tone on the picture as it scans the snow planet Hoth with its insect-like appearance and mannerisms. Those tentacle things that hang down still creep me out. It’s like a robotic flying squid that can shoot lasers at your face. Yeeesh.

5. IG-88 - Bounty Hunter

Would it be weird to say that I have had nightmares about this fictional robot from a movie that came out 35 years ago? IG-88 was one of the first indications that droids could be villainous in this universe when Darth Vader hires the droid, along with a bunch of other bounty hunters, to hunt down the Millennium Falcon. The evil droid is something that George Lucas would bring back multiple times in the prequels with very little pizazz or intimidation.

4. Droideka

The droideka are simultaneously the most exciting and most disappointing thing about the Phantom Menace. I distinctly remember seeing them for the first time on screen in the first scene of Episode I and being filled with hope and excitement for the next THREE films. I mean, this was the first SCENE of the first film, and the droids were already this cool?!? Sadly, the droideka were both the most creatively designed droids of the prequels, but they served no purpose as well, with Jedi taking them down with ease. But those shields were pretty badass, right?

3. C3-P0 – Protocol Droid

Most people’s lists would probably rank C3P0 as the no-brainer number one. He speaks English, he offers a ton of comic relief, and he serves as the voice of reason when the rebels are heading into a rough situation. I always found Lucas’ use of Threepio uninspired after the original trilogy. I don’t think he should have been included in the prequels, and having Anakin be his creator was such an eye-roll and sad excuse to shoehorn him into 3 more movies. Let’s hope J.J. uses him correctly this time around.

2. BB-8 – Astromech Droid

I know it is unfair to rank BB-8 so high on this list by most fans’ standards, but BB-8 has already done more positive marketing in 6 months for the new trilogy of films than Ewan McGregor did in his 6 years of prequels. BB-8 is everywhere, and for good reason. The spherical design of the droid is both innovative and nostalgic, with an astromech head reminiscent of R2-D2 and a soccer ball base that hints at adventure yet-to-come. BB-8 is just so cool. I can’t wait to see what the next 3 films hold for the little guy.

1. R2-D2 – Astromech Droid

Artoo is, without question, the quintessential droid of the Star Wars universe. We meet other Astromech’s along the way (R5-D4 anyone?) but R2-D2 is the definitive. We somehow follow the emotions of this small robot character through every single Star Wars film and never once get tired of it. Along with Han Solo, R2 also ranks high on my list of characters I most want to see on screen. He serves as the primary MacGuffin of the story as we follow Artoo’s journey from “Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi” to the final scenes of Episode III. The ingenious use of Sound FX to voice the droid was not only groundbreaking technologically, but served as a brilliant bit of comic-relief by sheer concept – and we somehow knew, and felt, everything R2 was saying.

Ranking The Star Wars Ships & Vehicles

We’re almost there, boys and girls. The Force Awakens worldwide premiere was last night and if you’re like me, you’re counting down the hours until you can see it for yourself. To commemorate this historic occasion, I’ve put together some (needlessly?) exhaustive blog content related to my beloved Star Wars universe. Yesterday I ranked all of the villains within the franchise and today I tackle all of the vehicles. Heaven help me.

A quick primer for what did and did not make the list. As with yesterday’s list, I’m only working with what we see in the actual films themselves. Expanded universe content (TV shows, video games, books, comics, etc.) don’t count. I also threw out any ship whose name I could not readily identify, whether by calling upon my own nerdy knowledge or by looking directly at the Star Wars website. This eliminated a handful of carriers, frigates, and cargo ships that don’t really matter. And finally, I considered only the most important speeders and land-based transports. No one needs the definitive ranking of all the dumb taxis we cross paths with in Attack of the Clones or the various little machines that propagate the hangar bay. As with yesterday, feel free to chime in at madaboutmoviespodcast@gmail.com or @BGill12 on the Twitter. (And just like yesterday, I’m sure I’m missing some vital ship that you love and I’ll just have to deal with it.)

45. Gungan Bongo Submarine (Episode I)

The mechanical personification of everything that is wrong with the prequels. Not only is it a bad design (one of the few that I’ll actually call “bad”) but its sole purpose is to take us through a completely meaningless scene filled with superfluous creatures.

44. Trade Federation Landing Ship (Episode I)

There are other ships in the Star Wars universe that look dysfunctional but still work on screen. This one doesn’t. It’s a stupid design and when you see it move, you feel like you’re seeing a mistake.

43. Neimoidian Escort Shuttle (Episode I)

“What if we took a weird looking fish and turned it into a vehicle?” “Perfect!”

42. Podracers, all of them (Episode I)

I hate the podracing scene in Phantom Menace significantly less than most fans, I think, but I still find the design to be goofy and dumb. The scene itself could be made useful with a few edits and a better script but the actual look of these things just doesn’t work the way it should.

41. MTT (Episode I)

The MTT is too bulky and cumbersome to be effective in battle but much more importantly, its only purpose is to bring us more battle droids, an unforgivable sin in my book.

40. N-1 Starfighter (Episode I)

The lamest of all fighting ships within the Star Wars universe, it’s only fitting that this piece of garbage was once piloted by Jake Lloyd’s Anakin. This is basically the equivalent of flying a Cessna in a dogfight.

39. Naboo Royal Ship (Episode I)

There’s nothing necessarily wrong with this ship, it just seems like a Flight of the Navigator knock-off. The original trilogy set the bar for those that came after it while the prequels borrowed too freely.

38. Solar Sailer (Episode II)

At first glance, you see the Solar Sailer and think, “That’s kind of cool.” But then on the rewatch or upon further consideration…why exactly does it need the sail thing? It doesn’t make sense!

37. Stap (Episode I)

If a Stormtrooper or a bounty hunter or a Jedi rode the Stap, it would be a pretty decent creation. But it’s so closely tied to the battle droid that I can’t see the good in it. Down with the battle droid!

36. Sandcrawler (Episode IV)

The Sandcrawler is an example of function over form. It does exactly what it is supposed to do but doesn’t really look great in the process.

35. AT-TE (Episodes II and III)

The original AT-AT (see below) looked awesome and terrifying at the same time. This one just looks too overloaded and a little bit ridiculous.

34. Republic Cruiser (Episode III)

The obvious predecessor to number 30, there’s nothing really wrong with this ship. It’s just a little ho-hum given that we already had familiarity with the design. Also the ship we see at the beginning of A New Hope looks very old so when did this cruiser go out of commission? Like the second Revenge of the Sith ended?

33. AT-RT (Episode III)

Like so many of the vehicles within the prequels, there’s simply no creativity being expended on the AT-RT. “Let’s just take the AT-ST and minimize it.” That’s it. There’s nothing wrong with it, it just doesn’t have the effect that you want from a Star Wars ship.

32. Trade Federation Battleship (Episode I)

It’s kind of sad that this is one of the better ships from Phantom Menace. So much wasted opportunity! On the plus side, the scale is sufficient and it does have some appeal from a menacing stand point. On the down side, it looks like a giant donut and probably belongs in the Babylon 5 universe, not Star Wars.

31. Swoop (Episode II)

Much like the AT-RT, the Swoop is basically a less-cool version of an awesome vehicle (the Speeder Bike). It’s fine but it doesn’t have anywhere near the panache of its predecessor (or descendant, depending on how you look at it).

30. Tantine 4 Alderaan Cruiser (Episode IV)

It’s supposed to look dingy and old when it makes its appearance in the opening scene of A New Hope and it succeeds in this. It serves its purpose but as giant space craft go, this one is fairly nondescript.

29. Republic Attack Cruiser (Episode III)

The predecessor of the Star Destroyer, the design element works here. It’s just that the actual look of the ship leaves something lacking.

28. X-34 Landspeeder (Episode IV)

Luke’s Landspeeder belongs in the pantheon of iconic vehicles from this universe, to be sure. But its functionality is incredibly weak. I guess it does what it’s supposed to but it doesn’t really bring much to the table. And when I was a kid, any vehicle that didn’t have a gun had no place in my war games.

27. ETA-2 Jedi Starfighter (Episode III)

Not bad but it shares too many similarities with the other prequel ships listed below. That’s part of the problem with these movies. The original ships all looked unique whereas pretty much every prequel ship comes off one familiar tree or another.

26. Arc-170 Starfighter (Episode III)

I think the Arc-170 would rank hirer if we’d just seen it in action a little more. Or, you know, at all. I truly only vaguely knew what the Arc-170 was and it took some research to really get a feel for what it does and where it exists in the film. It’s a cool design, though, so…what the heck.

25. Cloud Car (Episode V)

We only get a couple of glimpses of the Cloud Car and while I’m not totally sure how functional it is, it is a fun design and very unique. I do wonder, though, how it’s piloted. Does one side fly while the other shoots or do they both have steering wheels and just constantly fight over which direction they go? I hope it’s the latter.

24. Imperial Shuttle (Episode V and VI)

To my adolescent point on the Landspeeder, does this thing even have weapons? And yet…the design is terrific. The folding wings and the way in which it glides make this the neatest shuttle around.

23. Sith Infiltrator (Episode I)

The Infiltrator looks good and it gets bonus points for transporting Darth Maul, whom everyone knows to be awesome. But we barely see it in action and most of its screen time focuses entirely on the back end door hatch which is the dumbest part of the ship.

22. TIE Bomber (Episode V)

We don’t get to see the TIE Bomber deal out much damage and it doesn’t seem to move with as much speed or aggression as any of its relatives and thus it is the worst of the TIEs.

21. AAT Battle Tank (Episode I)

The design of the AAT is solid and it has a devastating effect in battle. If we could only remove its affiliation with the oft mentioned and never forgotten accursed battle droids, it probably jumps up the ranks a bit.

20. Delta-7 Jedi Starfighter (Episodes II and III)

The Delta-7 is only an above average creation on its own merits. But there’s something cool about the Hyperdrive expansion ring the Delta docks with in order to jump to lightspeed that I’ve always liked.

19. Vader’s TIE Fighter (Episode IV)

Also known as the Advanced TIE Fighter, the only thing advanced about it is that Darth Vader pilots it in A New Hope. Why this one instead of the standard TIE Fighter? Maybe it’s roomier on the inside. Regardless, for me it’s not quite as iconic as the original in spite of its patron.

18. Y-Wing (Episodes IV and VI)

The least of the Wing series (see below) but still an effective battleship. I would’ve loved to have seen these in action a little more but they were perpetually left on the outside looking in.

17. Death Star II (Episode VI)

I’ll cover the original Death Star here in a minute but in the history of great sci-fi inventions, has there ever been a bigger let down than the second Death Star? From a story standpoint, it totally works as an example of the Empire’s arrogance. But this thing was billed as the ultimate battle station, even bigger and better than the 1.0 version, and mostly all it does is blow up one frigate before bites the space dust.

16. AT-ST (Episode VI)

On screen, the AT-ST is a bit flimsy and doesn’t have the sort of impact than its bigger brother has. However, the AT-ST toy is one of the greatest toys in the history of toys. I had plenty of ships and vehicles in my collection as a kid but none of them were as much fun to play with as the AT-ST. So many working parts and little features.

15. Republic Attack Gunship (Episode II)

We don’t get nearly enough time with this ship (once again, the decision the relegate the actual Clone Wars themselves to a cartoon TV series instead of using them in the movies is a travesty) but when a host of these ships roll up on Dooku in the climax of Attack of the Clones, they do some serious damage and look cool in the process.

14. Grievous Wheel Blade (Episode III)

Initially I had the Wheel Blade ranked much higher but as friend-and-sometimes-podcast-contributor Jason Davidson pointed out, “I completely forgot about that thing until just now.” Very good point. In a universe filled with iconic and interesting vehicles, can you really crack the top 10 if you’re basically an afterthought? Obviously not.

13. A-Wing (Episode VI)

I was OBSESSED with the A-Wing as a kid, despite the fact that it’s barely involved in the films. There are two reasons for this obsession. One, the pilot kamikazes the Super Star Destroyer and takes it down, a pivotal sequence in the film. And two, the A-Wing pilot was one of only four Star Wars action figures I could never get into my collection and thus it was important to me.

12. Home One Mon Calamari Starcruiser (Episode VI)

The Home One is proof that a simple design can be both elegant and effective in battle. Admiral Ackbar’s base of operation, the Home One looks stylish and smooth while still presenting a worthy adversary for the standard Star Destroyer.

11. Slave I (Episode II and V)

Of course Boba Fett rides around in a weirdly shaped, strangely designed, mysteriously named starship that even flies in an odd way. It’s perfectly fitting for Boba Fett’s International Man of Mystery mystique. I’m not sure how functional the Slave I is but it’s always captured my imagination.

10. B-Wing (Episode VI)

I love the B-Wing. I can’t really explain that as we barely see it in action and surely its odd design can’t be completely functional. But it’s completely unique and the toy (which was HUGE, by the way) was always a favorite of mine.

9. Death Star I (Episode IV)

On paper, the Death Star I is a top 3 Star Wars ship. It’s iconic and even casual viewers can tell you what the Death Star is. Plus, it has the power to obliterate entire planets in the blink of an eye. But. BUT. It can be taken down with a single blast from a tiny one man ship. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE this plot point and think it is a perfect illustration of the differences between the Empire and the Alliance. But that kind of thing definitely hurts your street cred.

8. TIE Interceptor (Episode VI)

We don’t get nearly as much time with the Interceptor as we do with the standard TIE Fighter. But in this case, that element of the unknown works in its favor. You look at the Interceptor and you just know that bad boy can do some damage. What an awesome upgrade on the original.

7. Snowspeeder (Episode V)

Look, let’s call a spade a spade. There’s no real rhyme or reason that the Snowspeeder would come equipped with a harpoon gun on the back. It’s as if the Rebels knew the Empire would send giant robot elephants to attack them and they’d need to take out their knees. But ignoring that small coincidental issue…HOW COOL ARE THE SNOWSPEEDERS?! Am I alone in this? That design is killer and their underdog effectiveness is fantastic. Am I too excited about this? Am I Dak? I don’t want to be Dak, you guys.

6. Speeder Bike (Episode VI)

This is what happens when you combine excellent and creative design with a spectacular action sequence. Standing alone, the Speeder Bike is a cool vehicle but not much more. But when you add in the chase through the jungle, it suddenly becomes a top 10 entry. And again, the toy was really cool. (Last time I mention the toys, okay? Just kidding, one more coming.)

5. TIE Fighter (Episodes IV-VI)

All cards on the table, I had the TIE Fighter much lower on this list originally. There are so many TIE spin offs that I fell into the trap of crediting their different looks and nifty toys as making them better than the original. But as a friend pointed out, the original TIE Fighter is one of the iconic ships you think of when you think about Star Wars and the sound they make is even more iconic.

4. X-Wing (Episodes IV-VI)

The X-Wing is basically the exact opposite of the Death Star, which is fitting. On paper, it’s kind of a dinky ship and clearly isn’t a well-respected piece of machinery in this universe. You get the feeling that showing up to a battle in an X-Wing is like jumping into a pick-up basketball game wearing L.A. Gear sneakers instead of Nikes. And yet, it carves out a soft spot in your heart due to its hard work and the glorious way in which it takes down the big bully on the block.

3. Star Destroyer (Episodes IV-VI)

I’m combining the standard Star Destroyers in with the Super Star Destroyer. These things look great, they’re terrifyingly effective in battle, and they’re everywhere. You get the feeling that the Empire has thousands of these suckers laying around, just waiting to be deployed and that absolutely adds to the understanding of just how hopeless the Rebels’ fight against the Empire really is.

2. AT-AT (Episode V)

There are probably cooler vehicles and ships in the Empire’s repertoire and there are probably more effective vehicles as well. But the way in which the AT-ATs burst on to the scene and the message they send elevates the AT-AT to its lofty perch on this list. There are a dozen ways the Empire could’ve wiped the Rebel base off the face of Hoth but instead they chose to drop these monsters to the ground and watch their adversaries scatter in terror.

1. Millennium Falcon (Episodes IV-VI)

Did you really expect anything else at this spot? The Millennium Falcon is not just the coolest, most iconic vehicle in the Star Wars universe. It’s the coolest, most iconic vehicle in the history of film. Even the most devoted Star Wars hater could identify the Falcon. And the thing about it is, it’s awesome almost in spite of itself. How many times does one character or another mock this disjointed, weird looking bucket of bolts? And yet, time and time again, it comes through. The Falcon’s design is perfect in its imperfection. And if I may say so, the toy version is perhaps the best Christmas present I ever received. If you don’t love the Falcon, I don’t know if we can be friends.

Ranking The Star Wars Villains

As I’m assuming you know, this week marks both the beginning and end of something very special to approximately 800 billion people worldwide: It’s the beginning of a new Star Wars trilogy (and the universe beyond) and (hopefully) the end to the wait for a proper Star Wars sequel. Listeners of this show know how much I love this universe and how excited I have been for the last three years waiting for this week to arrive. To celebrate the occasion, we’ve recorded a ton of special podcasts which have been releasing over the last two weeks and I’m working on putting together some kind of Star Wars-related content each day this week for the blog.

Today I present to you, dear reader and listener, the (my) definitive ranking of every villain within the Star Wars movie universe. Two quick disclaimers: One, I chose not to include creatures. Maybe rancors are actually very gentle beings unless they’re forced to kill for the entertainment or Jabba and maybe the space worm (now known as an exogorth thanks to the Internet) just didn’t want a spaceship landing in its throat. We don’t know, so they’ve been tossed out. And two, this list pertains only to the six Star Wars films, NOT the expanded universe. While I have some experience with the expanded universe (books, video games, comics, TV shows, etc.), there’s far too much of it to consider in this space. So these 26 baddies are ranked based only on what sort of impact they made within the films themselves. Enjoy and feel free to send in your thoughts to madaboutmoviespodcast@gmail.com or @MAM_Podcast or @BGill12 on the Twitter. (Also, I’m sure there are small errors or exclusions and I’ll just have to live with that.)

26. Nute Gunray (Episodes I and II)

There is nothing even remotely positive anyone can say about Nute Gunray and the entire Trade Federation story line that dominates the plot of Phantom Menace. He’s obnoxious, his voice is borderline offensive, and he looks like a puppet that got rejected by Fraggle Rock.

25. Battle Droids (Episodes I and II)

In so many ways, the prequels are such a huge regression from the original trilogy and nowhere is that more apparent than the battle droids. It doesn’t really make sense that in this universe, the bad guys would downgrade from robot killing machines to humans who can’t hit the broad side of a barn with a blaster and it makes even less sense that these robots would speak as if they were all practicing for an open mike night. Even with all the other issues, the prequels come up a grade or two just by removing these guys from the mix.

24. Zam Wesell (Episode II)

The only good thing you can say about Zam is at least she (he?) dies quickly. A Jango Fett patsy in Attack of the Clones, he/she shape shifts while botching an assassination attempt that sets the entire plot of the film spinning. Worthless.

23. Greedo (Episode IV)

Greedo slides down here to the bottom of the list because he overstepped his boundaries. You might have thought yourself a decent bounty hunter, Greedo, but you were not ready to step into the ring with pre-carbonite Han Solo and come out alive. You couldn’t even get a shot off, bro. (See what I did there?) And now you’re green toast.  

22. Watto (Episode I)

The biggest issue with Watto is that I think he would’ve been a menacing or at least interesting villain in the original trilogy. If Han and Leia roll up on a Watto character in Jedi, I imagine he has an edge to him and the creature design isn’t comical and maybe he actually adds something to the story. As he stands, he’s a symptom of the issues within Phantom Menace and basically doesn’t have a reason to exist.

21. Bib Fortuna (Episode VI)

Great creature design on Mr. Fortuna and he plays the part of creepy majordomo quite well. But when your own boss calls you a “weak minded fool”…well, you’re probably not long for this list.

20. Imperial Generals, Admirals, and Captains (Episodes IV-VI)

I grouped these dudes together in part because most of them are virtually nameless on screen and in part because they’re almost all terrible at their jobs and/or really good at angering Darth Vader. From Admirals Motti and Ozzel to Generals Tagge and and Veers on down to Captain Needa, these guys exist pretty much just to hold back Vader and Company and pretty much all get choked out at some point. Only Captain-turned-Admiral Piett seems to accomplish anything but he, too, winds up dead. Tough job.

19. Clone Troopers (Episode III)

I can’t begin to tell you how disappointed I was in the clone troopers. Whenever the Clone Wars received mention in the original trilogy, I had visions of some grand spectacle and appropriate soldiers. Instead, the prequels virtually passed over the Clone Wars and all we got were some super CGI-y Stormtrooper knock-offs. Their programmed shift against the Jedi is a cool moment but it doesn’t make up for how meh they turned out in the first place.

18. Sebulba (Episode I)

As a character and from a design standpoint, Sebulba isn’t far off from being a cool secondary villain. Unfortunately, his dialogue is atrocious and like most of Phantom Menace, he comes across altogether too childish.

17. Magnaguards (Episode III)

Magnaguards start off pretty well. A group of them put Obi Wan and Anakin to the test at the beginning of Revenge of the Sith and their electrostaffs are effective both visually and in combat. But in their second appearance, Obi Wan dispenses of them so easily that we are left to believe that the first go ‘round must have been an aberration.

16. Royal Guards (Episode VI)

Of all the B-characters within the original trilogy, I think the Royal Guards probably look the coolest. Those red robes are baller and they carry some sort of spear that you just know can do some nasty things. And yet, they’re nowhere to be found when Luke and Vader fight it out and don’t even bother to come to Palpatine’s defense when Vader chucks him down shaft. Weird time for a smoke break, guys.

15. Tusken Raiders (Episodes I, II, and IV)

Tuskens look like something out of Mad Max and I mean that as a compliment. Plus, these dudes are incredibly primitive in virtually every way and yet they terrify everyone on Tatooine so you know they make the most of their limited intelligence and resources.

14. Count Dooku (Episodes II and III)

To be honest with you, I have Dooku this high only out of respect for Christopher Lee, a great actor who did some amazing work in his career. But frankly, Dooku is a major let down. Sure, he imprisons Obi Wan and Anakin but only after they both mysteriously forget how to use the Force for 20 minutes of screen time. Then Mace Windu shows up and Dooku immediately tucks tail. And when he returns in Revenge of the Sith, he promptly loses his hands and head. Lame. Plus, his name is definitely a word for poop in one language or another.

13. Bounty Hunters (Episode V)

This group (Bossk, Zuckuss, 4-LOM, IG-88, and Dengar) displays some of the best creature design within the entirety of the Star Wars universe. If only we actually got to spend some time with them! There’s plenty on this crew in the expanded universe but within these six movies, we get virtually nothing on them. And yet they landed this high because they’re so dadgum COOL looking. Even Dengar, who was definitely just a homeless dude they brought on set at the last minute.

12. Storm, Snow, and Scout Troopers (Episodes IV-VI)

Stormtroopers (and their kin) take a lot of flak for not being able to shoot anything except Jawas and rightly so. It’s weird that the Empire put Stevie Wonder in charge of their shooting range but I guess Vader had a soft spot for “Songs in the Key of Life.” Regardless of their shooting ability, their armor game is on point and when a huge group of them march in, you get a little chill down your spine.

11. Jango Fett (Episode II)

Another “what could have been” casualty from the prequels. What happens if you take a bounty hunter (easily the most awesome vocation in the known universe) who is so wicked that someone builds an entire army out of his DNA, give him super cool armor and add in an actor who can actually act and a screenwriter who can actually write? You probably get an iconic villain. Instead…kind of a letdown. On the plus side, he totally hangs with Obi Wan and even quasi wins their standoff…only to get beheaded in one second when Mace Windu shows up.

10. Anakin Skywalker (Episode III)

Bad acting aside (and trust me, that’s a HUGE aside), Anakin’s turn in the back half of Revenge of the Sith is incredibly dark and horrifying. He just straight up murders a bunch of kids. There’s so much more that could be drawn out of his shift but as it is, it’s still one of the more well-done elements of the prequels.

9. General Grievous (Episode III)

Grievous is incredibly well designed and comes across as menacingly as an entirely CGI character possibly could. He presents a great challenge to Obi Wan and he’s a fearsome fighter. The problem is, almost all of what should be the best Grievous content is relegated to the cartoon series and the rest of the expanded universe. He basically has no place in the actual movies so he never matters the way he should.

8. Darth Maul (Episode I)

The marketing for Phantom Menace was EVERYWHERE in 1999 and the most interesting, exciting part of the whole thing was Darth Maul. Star Wars lifers such as myself could not wait to get a look at Maul on the screen. And then he showed up and he was AWESOME. And then he showed up again and he was even MORE awesome! And then he got cut in half. And then he fell down a shaft. And that was the end of him. Why do you have to tease us so, George?!

7. Boba Fett (Episodes V and VI)

An international man of mystery if ever there was one, I would wager that no character in the Star Wars universe has a greater ratio of screen time to expanded universe content. As a nerdy society, we are OBSESSED with Boba Fett. There are entire video games, books, graphic novels, and fan films devoted exclusively to Boba Fett and while I totally get it because I, too, think he’s incredibly cool, it is kind of funny that someone who has perhaps three lines in the entire franchise and dies in the most throw-away manner imaginable could capture our collective imagination in such a way.

6. Emperor Palpatine (Episodes V and VI)

Obviously Palpatine is the great evil within the galaxy far far away and he drives the narrative from behind the scenes. On screen, he’s creepy and fully illustrates the way in which absolute power destroys a man. But because of his physical state and his arrogance, we only briefly see him turn his power loose and as such, the real lasting image we have of him is the way he dies which is hardly befitting of a truly great villain.

5. Grand Moff Tarkin (Episode IV)

Initially, I had Tarkin a bit lower on my list but a friend talked me into his current spot. The destruction of Alderaan gets overlooked when you consider all the events of these films but that’s a pretty big deal to just flip past. For no other reason than to show off the power of his new toy and torture a 19 year old girl, Tarkin killed BILLIONS OF PEOPLE. I’m not sure even the Emperor himself is that evil.

4. Jabba the Hutt (Episode VI)

Jabba’s particular brand of villainy is simple: the dude wants money and respect and that’s pretty much it. Despite being a galactic slug, there’s a familiarity to him that I can’t help but appreciate. You don’t pay him his money? He freezes you and displays you for all to see. You try to sneak in and steal his prize? Guess what, now you have to wear a humiliating slave costume. Jabba doesn’t get near enough credit for being the great villain that he is, to the point that the Emperor and Vader would rather treaty with him than try to fight him outright.

3. Darth Sidious (Episodes I-III)

There are many, many failings within the prequels but Darth Sidious is one of the few elements that Lucas got right. If you cleaned up his dialogue (seriously, Lucas’s dialogue gets worse on every viewing), he’d be a perfect political villain. He’s slimy in the most charismatic way and he wields the tool of manipulation just as well if not better than a lightsaber. And yet, when it gets down to the gettin’ down, Sidious takes out Mace Windu (with the help of Anakin, of course) and battles Yoda to a draw. He’s a great villain lost in a sea of awful writing and bad CGI.

2. Darth Vader (Episodes IV-VI)

The case for Vader has been handled ad nauseam so I’ll just say this: I think Darth Vader is the most iconic villain in the history of cinema. I’m sure there are plenty of other worthy contestants but you would be hard pressed to find a movie watcher between the ages of 8 and 60 who would not be able to identify him or at least acknowledge that he is the bad guy from Star Wars. He’s menacing and terrifying but most of all, he has that PRESENCE that demands attention. In the macro, overall view of film as a whole, Darth Vader is synonymous with “villain.” And yet…

1. Jar Jar Binks (Episodes I-III)

…in the micro view of just this franchise, Jar Jar is undoubtedly the greatest villain. Now look, if you listen to this podcast or read my writing, you know that I love bits and jokes more than just about anyone. But I really mean this; it’s not a bit. As much as this fanboy would like to ignore him, Jar Jar has become a huge part of the conversation revolving around this franchise. He brings about feelings such as hate, disgust, anger, and a little bit of fear. (What Star Wars fan hasn’t expressed even a modicum of doubt regarding The Force Awakens in light of Jar Jar?) We’ve gone so far as to release edits of the prequels that cut him out entirely. Even Lucas himself seemed to grasp the horrible mistake he’d made in allowing Jar Jar into his beloved universe by giving him the deciding vote in Revenge of the Sith to award Senator Palpatine unlimited power. That’s a stroke of genius! I freaking hate Jar Jar and so does just about everyone who’s ever claimed to have some connection or affinity to this universe. He’s the villain we deserve, not the villain we need. Jar Jar is basically the Donald Trump of Star Wars and because of that, he’s earned this crown.