Ranking The Star Trek Movies

(Note: I wrote this piece using the term Trekker then was advised to switch it to Trekkie. ” I thought that was the accepted vernacular these days. I had a couple of Trekkies inform me that they preferred Trekkies so I Find/Replaced all that I could. You’ll have to forgive me if I missed a couple. Also please pick a name and stick with it.)

This year, Star Trek celebrates 50 years in the culture zeitgeist with the release of its thirteenth film and the production of its sixth TV series. That’s quite an accomplishment for the small budgeted, relatively short-lived Wagon Train to the Stars Gene Roddenberry first developed in 1966. But beyond the movies and the TV shows, Star Trek has inspired a rabid fanbase unrivaled by any of its contemporaries, save for (perhaps) Star Wars. The books, the conventions, the fan films…Trekkies are crazy and crazy devoted to this universe.

I am not a Trekkie. Star Trek is one of the rare cultural entities that has not been taken over by my completeist mentality. I have seen all of the Star Trek movies many, many times and have partaken in perhaps half of the TV episodes over all (most of the original series, all of Next Generation, some of Deep Space Nine, very little of Voyager or Enterprise). But Star Trek has never spoken into my life the way Star Wars has. I do, however, have a great appreciation for the level of commitment Trekkies have for this property.

There are pros and cons to that dedication, however. On the one hand, it is that obsession that has kept Star Trek relevant for 50 years. On the other, Trekkies’ zeal for that which they love makes it incredibly difficult to gain access to their elite club of nerds (I use this term affectionately). Yes, within any fanbase, you’re bound to find a percentage of the membership that scoffs at the minimal knowledge of some of their counterparts. But whereas the average Star Wars nerd takes a “The More, The Merrier” stance on growing fandom, Trekkies seem to crave exclusivity. It’s as if, upon finishing your first Star Trek experience, you’re given a rigid set of rules by which you must live your life and if you’re not keen on learning the Klingon language or reading endless fan fiction or agreeing on the proper way to clean a mythical Transporter screen, then you’re out of the club. There is a line where a fanbase crosses over from “committed” to “obnoxious” and serious Trekkies run up against that line far too often.

This becomes abundantly clear when discussing the Star Trek films with a Trekkie. One of the things I noticed in “researching” this piece is how vastly different the average filmgoer and even the average film critic feel about these movies compared to the average Trekkie. For a Trekkie, Star Trek movies must align themselves perfectly with a pre-established canon and timeline and if they deviate even slightly, then it’s not enough to call out those deficiencies; instead, you must declare the movie worthless and shun its very existence. For the rest of us, these movies can just be entertaining regardless of how they line up with an obscure reference from Deep Space Nine. I’m not bashing this way of life; rather, I’m just pointing out these differences in approach so that we can acknowledge up front that my ranking of Star Trek movies is likely to be different (and perhaps vastly different) from that of a Trekkie and hopefully we can avoid an intergalactic fight. In the words of Spock, “May the Force be with you.” (Just kidding, that was mean.)

12. The Final Frontier (1989) – Original Cast

Rotten Tomatoes Score: 21%, Domestic Gross: $52M

As mentioned in the intro, there’s bound to be some disagreement here between myself and serious Trekkies. But I truly can’t imagine a list such as this that doesn’t begin (or end, if you’re going from first to worst which is, by the way, the wrong way to do this) with Final Frontier. There is not one minute of this movie that makes sense, let alone works in any sort of cinematic fashion. It is basically a 107 minute excuse for William Shatner (director) to explore his God complex. Most Star Trek movies are at least watchable, even if they’re not “good”; not so much with this one.

11. The Motion Picture (1979) – Original Cast

Rotten Tomatoes Score: 47%, Domestic Gross: $82M

The best thing you can say about The Motion Picture is that it’s easily forgotten. If the Star Trek movies were first produced in, say, the late 90’s, Paramount would greenlight a reboot a few years later and title it Star Trek while pretending that the first movie never happened. It is boring, it is nonsensical, it is basically just an episode of the original show stretched out into movie format and, as the years go by, fewer and fewer people remember that it ever happened. (In hindsight it’s kind of amazing that SO MUCH Star Trek came down the chute after this thing flopped so miserably. Good job, Trekkies.)

10. Insurrection (1998) – Next Generation Cast

Rotten Tomatoes Score: 55%, Domestic Gross: $70M

The “TV episode stretched into a full length movie” concept is a common complaint down in the bottom of the Star Trek movie rankings. As a random episode of Next Generation, Insurrection would be fine. But add an extra hour to the run time and suddenly you’re twiddling your thumbs, checking your watch, reaching for your smart phone that didn’t exist in 1998, etc. The first two times I attempted to watch Insurrection, I fell asleep. I have since made it through the movie, thankfully, but only thanks to sheer willpower and those little orange pills that Jesse Spano took in that very special episode of Saved By the Bell. It’s very boring, is what I’m saying. (As one Trekkie I consulted with pointed out, however: F. Murray Abraham is pretty dope no matter what.)

9. Nemesis (2002) – Next Generation Cast

Rotten Tomatoes Score: 37%, Domestic Gross: $43M

I don’t hate Nemesis like many people seem to, if for no other reason than it introduced us to Tom Hardy. But it is easily the laziest of the Star Trek movies. By this point, Next Generation had been off the air for eight years, the cast was ready to go on to…basically nothing, except for Patrick Stewart but still they were all pretty much done with this thing, and the story mostly feels like running out a ground ball. Moreover, there’s this big reveal of Tom Hardy and how he’s Picard’s clone and I was super confused because I didn’t think he looked anything like Patrick Stewart other than the fact that he was bald and most of the movie hinges on this point. So that’s not the best.

8. The Voyage Home (1986) – Original Cast

Rotten Tomatoes Score: 85%, Domestic Gross: $109M

Okay, I know that the average Trekkie thinks of Voyage Home in much higher regard than I do, but hear me out. When I was a kid, I loved this movie. The whales were super dope and it was unquestionably the best of the Star Trek movies to me. And then I didn’t watch it for 20 years, during which time the movie aged HORRIBLY. It is the most 80’s movie of 1986 to the point that I would think adults who saw it in 1986 came out saying, “Man, that was pretty heavy on the references to 1986.” There’s not one thing that happens in Voyage Home that isn’t directly influenced by 1986 and to me, that makes it borderline painful to watch 30 years later. Initially, I actually had Voyage Home a couple spots lower but I didn’t want Trekkies to try to fight me (yet).

7. The Search for Spock (1984) – Original Cast

Rotten Tomatoes Score: 78%, Domestic Gross: $76M

I think of Search for Spock as the median Star Trek movie. It’s fine, it’s watchable, the events actually matter to the canon, and we get some serious Klingons which is nice (and I could be wrong but I think this is the introduction to the new look Klingons, which actually look like terrifying space warriors instead of dudes with wrinkly noses). The stuff involving Kirk and his son has some value and, of course, the Genesis Project provides a convenient way in which to bring Spock back from the dead. But overall, it’s a fairly middling movie and Puberty Spock is EASILY the worst of the Spocks.

6. Generations (1994) – Next Generation Cast

Rotten Tomatoes Score: 48%, Domestic Gross: $75M

When you become a (semi) professional movie critic, one of the things you discover is that sometimes you really liked a movie that came out BEFORE you became a (semi) professional movie critic but other professional critics REALLY did not like that movie and it shocks you. Like, I get that adult movie critics didn’t care for Rookie of the Year the same way I did at 10 years old. But Star Trek Generations? What’s wrong with Star Trek Generations? I still don’t know. I watched it recently and, while it’s fairly messy from a narrative standpoint, I think it’s an enjoyable flick and feels very Star Trek-y to me. It works (mostly) as a hand-off from the original cast to the newbies and in doing so, makes it clear that the franchise is in good hands while giving Kirk a very Shatnerlike send off.

5. Into Darkness (2013) – New Cast

Rotten Tomatoes Score: 86%, Domestic Gross: $228M

If we must fight, dear Trekkies, I am now ready for the battle. Choose your weapon. (You probably chose that super cool Klingon axe thing but, surprise, I picked a Romulan Warbird and blew you away with a photon torpedo, idiot.) I know that some Trekkies HATE this movie the way I hate Dwyane Wade. I’ve heard some respectable Trekkies refer to it as, “the worst Star Trek movie ever including the fan-made movies.” But, from my observations, this hate is derived almost exclusively from the handling of the Star Trek canon, the behaviors of the characters, and the (admittedly poor) introduction of Khan. That’s all well and good, you do your thing, Trekkies. As a non-Trekkie, however, I don’t care about that stuff and I find Into Darkness to be a fun, if flawed, action movie. I don’t think it will age as well as some other Star Trek movies have and if I make this list again in 20 years, there’s a decent chance it drops down a few pegs. But for now, my qualms with Into Darkness are minor and don’t keep me from enjoying it purely as an action movie.

4. The Undiscovered Country (1991) – Original Cast

Rotten Tomatoes Score: 83%, Domestic Gross: $74M

I feel like Undiscovered Country is both the most forgotten and underrated of all the Star Trek movies. Rarely in a Star Trek conversation (of which I have been a part of more times than I care to admit) does someone mention this one, let alone praise its many virtues. For me, Undiscovered Country is a perfect close to the original cast chapter of the Star Trek universe. The crew comment on their respective aging, they’ve seen through their mission of unifying the Federation of Planets, and the plot hinges on the events of the preceding films in the series. Undiscovered Country is a tidy bow on the entire 25 year Star Trek run and it’s also a blast to watch, an underrated element of any Star Trek movie. Also, Christopher Plummer as a Shakespeare-quoting Klingon is kind of the best.

3. Star Trek (2009) – New Cast

Rotten Tomatoes Score: 95%, Domestic Gross: $257M

I don’t think Star Trek is the best of the Star Trek movies (duh, since it sits at number three on this list) but it is probably my favorite and definitely the one I would take with me to a desert island if I was only allowed to bring one Star Trek movie (I’m assuming this is a very specific desert island). There are flaws within it (time travel is always a risky maneuver) but I love what JJ Abrams did with the cast, the characters, and the direction in which he pointed the…ship (*insert gif of David Caruso putting on sunglasses*). Hardcore Trekkies may quibble with the character elements most of all but to me, Abrams went out of his way to respect the original canon while simultaneously giving the new franchise permission, as it were, to boldly go into new territory. Star Trek is fun, it’s energetic, and it makes this universe so easy to embrace for a new generation of would-be Trekkies.

2. First Contact (1996) – Next Generation Cast

Rotten Tomatoes Score: 93%, Domestic Gross: $92M

I know I’ve spent most of this list talking about how “fun” is an important part of the Star Trek universe that often gets overlooked but here’s where we have to take a slight turn: the top two Star Trek movies are the top two Star Trek movies because, for the most part, they set aside the fun and get super serious. First Contact is actually very dark. And that fits, because while Klingons and Romulans and Ferengi look cool and are, at times, menacing in their own right, The Borg are legitimately terrifying and moreover, they once enslaved Picard himself. First Contact has weight to it that most of the other Star Trek movies lack and it works so well for this particular story. In addition, the look of First Contact is on a whole other level from all the previous movies in the franchise. It is cleaner, sharper, and shot with more sophistication (of course advanced technologies help with this quite a bit) than any of non-Abrams movies. It’s sort of the manifestation of everything Next Generation built toward for seven seasons and I love it.

1. The Wrath of Khan (1982) – Original Cast

Rotten Tomatoes Score: 88%, Domestic Gross: $78M

There are very few franchises that have an indisputable champion. Star Wars? You can have a serious debate between A New Hope and Empire Strikes Back. Bond? I personally think Skyfall takes the cake but ask five Bond fans and you’ll probably get five different answers. Avengers, X-Men, and on down the line, there will be very plausible disagreements between fans. But Star Trek? Star Trek has a clear-cut “best” and it’s Wrath of Khan. Khan is such a perfect embodiment of what the original series was all about but cranked up on steroids. The stakes are high, the battles are fierce, and Khan is such an incredible villain. Marvel would KILL to have a Khan in their universe and JJ was so obsessed with him that he almost (or perhaps did, depending on your position) scuttled his own movie trying so hard to make Khan awesome and menacing. It’s the perfect Star Trek movie but it’s also a fantastic piece of science fiction that, I think, holds up on its own better than any of its brothers. 

Top 10 Most Anticipated Movies of 2016 - Part 2

Here’s the thing. Believe it or not, this is a very difficult piece to write each year. I started breaking it down into two parts several years ago so I could highlight more movies and hopefully have a chance to get a real look at some of the later release movies before endorsing them. But inevitably, the first half of the year leaves me searching for random movies to fill the final few spots on the list while the second half of the year always leaves me feeling like I’ve excluded too many deserving movies. Such is the life of the movie blogger.

A couple of notes/disclaimers before we move on. The back half of the year is typically full of awards-y films and festival darlings that haven’t received confirmed release dates yet and will pop up to surprise us as the year winds to a close. I tend to shy away from those movies because they tend to come and go without any fanfare and I try to deal in movies that most (or at least some) of you will actually have a chance to see. Also, I won’t list anything that doesn’t have a trailer yet. A good trailer doesn’t always result in a good movie, obviously, but you can gain an understanding of tone, look, and feel from those brief glimpses and that’s important for a list such as this. (As such, films like La La Land, Loving, Patriot’s Day and more were excluded.) Finally, it should go without saying and yet I have to say it every year: this is MY list and therefore, it’s MY opinion that matters. You may be very excited about Suicide Squad. That’s great! I’m cautiously optimistic about that one and hope it works out. But it didn’t find a spot here because, personally, I may never trust another DC movie again for the rest of my life. So while I’m hopeful it turns out well, I’ll have to see it to believe it. Now on with the show.

HONORABLE MENTION: Moana (November 23) – Auli’I Cravalho, The Rock, Alan Tudyk

Since Jon Lasseter took over Disney Animation, there’s been a dramatic shift in the Pixar-Disney relationship. Nothing again Finding Dory but creatively, Moana looks like a strong bet to outclass its fishy predecessor. If the promise of the teaser trailer holds true, I can’t imagine Moana won’t be a triumph. Also: The Rock.

10. Star Trek Beyond (June 22) – Chris Pine, Zachary Quinto, Jon Cho

Consider this the beginning of the, “I like the property but if we’re being honest, I’m sorta nervous” section of the list. I very much enjoy this universe and will happily return to it whenever Paramount gives me the opportunity. But the first trailer was horrible. In fairness, it looked like it was all pulled from one early scene and the second trailer is a vast improvement but that first look, combined with rumblings of a choppy production, leaves me uneasy. Again, though, the property is viable and Justin Lin knows how to direct an action movie so I’m holding out hope.

9. Doctor Strange (November 4) – Benedict Cumberbatch, Rachel McAdams, Mads Mikkelsen

I think Doctor Strange constitutes an actual risk for the Marvel conglomerate and that excites me even if the property itself doesn’t, truthfully. The casting is a bit of a departure from the norm for the MCU, the property calls for a heavy emphasis on magic which Kevin Fiege has doggedly avoided to this point, and there isn’t much name recognition to draw on for general audiences. (Most of that also applies to Ant-Man, of course.) I don’t love the trailer but I do love the assemblage of talent and I think it’s fair to expect some chances to be taken that typically aren’t in an Avengers movie.

8. Billy Lynn’s Long Halftime Walk (November 11) – Joe Alwyn, Garrett Hedlund, Steve Martin

I don’t want to be excited for this movie, if I’m being candid. I do not like being pandered to and if Billy Lynn goes a’ panderin’, it will play out like a bro country anthem. Thus, it’s a dangerous selection for a list such as this. But Ang Lee is a fabulous filmmaker, of course, and maybe more to the point, he knows how to make heady event films that feel (especially in the moment) bigger than they actually are. Life of Pi isn’t a film I personally think about very often but in the moment, it felt HUGE. I’m hoping Billy Lynn finds that mark.

7. The Magnificent Seven (September 23) – Denzel Washington, Chris Pratt, Ethan Hawke

My first viewing of this trailer caught me completely off guard. Probably because of Training Day, I didn’t expect The Magnificent Seven to be fun. I admit I was a little turned off by that presentation. But after a second (and third) viewing, I’ve got a better sense of what Antoine Fuqua’s vision for the movie is and I rather dig it. It’s always risky taking on the remake of a classic (and that term should not be taken lightly in this case) but with this cast and an outstanding source material to draw upon, The Magnificent Seven has a real shot at being something special.

6. The Founder (August 5) – Michael Keaton, Nick Offerman, Linda Cardellini

Consider this the end of the “sorta nervous” section of the list. I’m not the biggest fan of biopics in general but I am a big fan of American Treasure Michael Keaton LOCKED AND LOADED in the midst of an absolute renaissance. The only iffy thing about The Founder is its release date. In what looks like a weak awards year, dropping this in August seems short sighted or indicates that it isn’t the Oscar contender the studio expected. But worst case scenario, this is a good movie, right? Not great but good. I’ll take it if it means getting to watch Keaton do his thing again.

5. The Birth of a Nation (October 7) – Nate Parker, Armie Hammer, Mark Boone Junior

You can pretty much mark this down right now for a Best Picture nominee and it’s likely the heavy favorite at this point. Birth CRUSHED at Sundance and has a tremendous surge of momentum propelling it forward. The trailer feels like a less pandering Free State of Jones mixed with 12 Years a Slave with a little gospel thrown in for good measure. Count me in.

4. Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (November 16) – Eddie Redmayne, Colin Farrell, Ezra Mille

When the original Harry Potter series (collectively a set-in-stone top 10 favorite movie of all-time for me) ended in 2011, I was thoroughly satisfied with the conclusion but bummed that I wouldn’t get to spend more time in its world. Like Star Wars, there’s such a vast universe to play with here and I wanted more. Wish granted. I’m not sure Beasts can live up to its predecessor but it doesn’t have to; it just has to have the same charm and sense of wonder that made the Potter movies so endearing. Moreover, I’m excited that we’re going to finally force Kent to watch these movies. High five.

3. Jason Bourne (July 29) – Matt Damon, Alicia Vikander, Tommy Lee Jone

(Note: I am currently watching a Bourne movie while I write and I’m having a hard time figuring out why I only have this movie listed at number three.) I didn’t know I needed another Bourne movie. I mean, I really dig the Damon trilogy and really pretend hard that the Renner one isn’t a thing. But I didn’t know I needed another Bourne movie until that trailer dropped around the Super Bowl. OH MY. Suddenly my life seemed somewhat incomplete having not yet seen this new cinematic masterpiece. We’re so close to this one I’m starting to actually foam at the mouth a bit, that’s how much I can’t wait for Jason Bourne. Or I might have rabies. We’ll see.

2. Passengers (December 21) – Chris Pratt, Jennifer Lawrence, Martin Sheen

So I’m breaking my no trailer rule here because, gosh darn it, I just can’t keep Passengers off the list. I wrote around it a couple of times but I’m just so psyched for this one, I’m willing to endorse it sight unseen. Chris Pratt plus Jennifer Lawrence in a high concept sci-fi piece IN SPACE? Is this real life? That sounds like a fake movie someone would make to lure me into trap.

1. Rogue One (December 16) – Felicity Jones, Ben Mendelsohn, Forest Whitake

Too much was made about the re-writes and re-shoots taking place on Rogue One. These things happen on a big budget movie. Call me when we get confirmation that Jar Jar is involved; then I’ll get worried. I think this is the perfect story to kick off the Star Wars anthology spin-off movies. It’s not an origin story (there’s time for those later) but rather an exploration into the wide world of the Star Wars universe that happens to tie into the known story quite closely. I’m obviously an easy mark for pretty much any Star Wars property but if this works with mass audiences (it won’t be Force Awakens big but it should top $800 million) it opens up a thousand possibilities for upcoming movies.

A Totally Non-Contrived, Fictionalized, Or Made-Up Interview with Zack Snyder

This piece originally appeared in our Mad About Movies Newsletter. It comes out once a month and is free. Sign up here. 

I meet Mr. Snyder at an undisclosed swanky LA eatery, an establishment he frequents for brunch/hangover recovery. It is 11:30 am and I can see the bags under his eyes in spite of the $800 sunglasses (he keeps the price sticker on the left side of the glasses). He is in good spirits, though he speaks with the speed of a man who is forcing his brain to conjure each and every word through a haze of Jagermeister and vapor smoke. He apologizes profusely for his late arrival (30 minutes is nothing in this business, I assure him) then quickly responds to a text from his good buddy, Doug Ellin. Our food arrives promptly (ricotta omelet and coffee for me, branzino and three Mega Monster Energy drinks for him) and with a smirk and a crack of the knuckles, he indicates that he is ready for our interview to begin. 
 
Let’s just get right down to it. Is that cool? 
Yeah, bruh, let’s do this.
 
The reception for Batman V Superman wasn’t exactly positive. 
Well the entire concept of positive and negative is really kind of lost on me. A movie a made a few years back, and this was a freaking sick movie, was called Sucker Punch. Just, awesome babes—actually, funny story, I cast Emily Browning because I thought she was that Orbitz chick. I always had a thing for that Orbitz chick. Anyway, this movie, it was after this super lame Owl movie the studio made me adapt from a dumb kids book, so I decide I need to get back to my artistic center so I make this just balls out Sucker Punch flick and the movie just straight up rules. So like 3 years later I’m on Rotten Tomatoes and I see that Sucker Punch is at 26% and I’m like “I KNOW this movie is awesome, this is weird.” So I call Rotten Tomatoes and they explain their algorithm to me and it’s just like super confusing or whatever so I just hang up midway and I’m like, what is really even the point of these reviews? Like Batman V Superman is like 28% on Rotten Tomatoes. You know who else was number 28? Marshall Faulk, and that guy was sick. He was equal parts a threat in the run and pass game. Critics just don’t understand the stories I’m trying to tell and the scale through which I’m telling those stories.
 
But, in fairness, the movie didn’t score much better with general audiences, either.
But what does the word “general” even mean? It’s like General Robert E. Lee is a huge hero of mine. Great tactician, leader, thinker, but that bro totally fought on the side of slavery—which, I want to get this across in your piece bro, I’m totally anti-slavery. Wayne Brady is a close, personal friend of mine. Anyway , you could say that General Lee was generally a good general, but you’re going to have your qualms with him. People can say the same about my movies. I’ll totally own up to that.
 
I’m not entirely sure how to respond to that, but how would you respond to the viewers (not critics, I mean the average moviegoer) who disliked the film?
It’s maybe just not made for you, that’s all I’d say. Not every movie is for everyone or whatever.
 
Just before BvS debuted, there was a great deal of talk surrounding a supposed R-rated director’s cut. During production, did you feel like you were making the movie you wanted to make? And if so, do you think your movie would’ve been better received?
Look, I don’t like to get caught up too much in ratings. I think it’s archaic, arbitrary, and silly in the age of the internet. Kids can see like, totally messed up stuff with the push of a button, so why do demand all super hero movies be PG 13? Right? It just seems dumb to me. Obviously I would have liked more piss-jar in the flick, but in a studio setting, you have to give up somethings. It sucks, but overall, yeah the movie is pretty dope.
 
One of the bigger issues fanboys had with the film is the character design for Batman. He seemed less like the Caped Crusader and more like a masochistic serial killer. In hindsight, would you pull back a bit from that or is that the Batman you prefer?
I think if he was like 10% more jacked—and I talked to Ben about this—I think if he’s just more jacked, like super, super cut but still with a lot of body mass. Like, do you remember the wrester Scott Steiner?
 
No.
Well you should Google him, he was definitely what I wanted Ben to look like. I think if he was just super cut then people would understand and overlook some of the short comings. Scheduling-wise, we just couldn’t get Ben that jacked in time. That one is totally on me. I’ll own that.
 
In the wake of BvS’s truncated box office run, there has been some reshuffling at Warner Brothers and DC. Where does that leave you?
It leaves me as a super good looking rich guy in a great town making movies I want to make.
 
Got it. Let’s talk about Lex Luthor. What…what were you thinking?
Have you seen Now You See Me? I needed a brain like that in my movie. I like the concept of Jesse being totally in control of that movie. He’s totally a master of his magic craft, and Lex has to be just as brilliant. I just love that movie, if that’s on TNT, I will seriously throw like 5 models out of my house and just sit and watch it.

Just to clarify, do you think Jesse Eisenberg is an actual wizard based on the movie Now You See Me?
Who am I to say really? You know? He's not like a Gandalf or anything, but he's not Otto Porter either! Right?! 

Is it true that you required the entire cast to participate in Crossfit events in between shoots?
I wouldn’t say it was full on Crossfit because I’m not entirely certified, but it was a pretty intense work out. Another big hero of mine is Billy Blanks, the Tae Bo founder. I just want to have that vibe on my sets. Fitness and adherence to strict rules lead to a great set atmosphere and a sick finished product—not to mention being totally cut which models and regular chicks like.
 
It’s pretty clear that Ben Affleck is the most jacked Batman but who wins in an arm wrestling match: you or Christopher Nolan?
Ha. Chris is a close personal bro so I won’t so anything, but I think we both know! HAHAHA
 
::At this point Mr. Snyder laughs for two and a half minutes and takes a MASSIVE hit from his vape pen. I lose him in steam for another minute::
 
There you are, fantastic. Let's talk about Amy Adams. Amy is, by all accounts, a brilliant actress and a lovely person. How do you manage to make her so insufferable in your movies?
Well you can’t have Lois suffer too much, right? I mean, at the end of the day, that role—and all female roles—are essentially built to be damsels in distress. Except for my movie Sucker Punch which I mentioned earlier. In that movie the WOMEN are the heroes. Can you even imagine that!? Haha!! Seriously, I’ll get you a Blu Ray. But back to your question, we need to have Lois suffer, so she’s not totally insufferable but…
 
 
That’s not what that means, but let’s just move on. Can you confirm that you kicked Seth Grahame-Smith off of The Flash because his dead lift was “super weak”?
Totally untrue. And that actually pisses me off that this is spreading around. He’s not a huge guy, but his dead lift really wasn’t bad compared to his BMI. It was his Split Jerk and Snatch lifts that were seriously embarrassing. Can’t have a hero that doesn’t even have proper Split Jerk form.
 
I’ve heard you want to do a dramatic retelling of the American Revolution when you’re through with Justice League. Are there any other beloved characters, stories, or properties you’d like to ruin before Hollywood wises up and stops letting you make movies?
Well that rap version of Hamilton is pretty big so I thought it might be sick to do a James Madison biopic but set entirely to house music. Diplo is a friend of...Wait...Are you seriously coming at me bro? I was going to buy your breakfast. Seriously, I’ll make a great movie about myself tagging your sister! Armie Hammer is in talks to play me!
 
*Snyder lunges across the table, fist drawn*

Wait wait wait! Before you punch me, you should know: my sister’s name is Martha!

by Richard Bardon & Brian Gill